While most pop culture depictions of holidays are warm, fuzzy, and familial, it’s important to acknowledge and validate that holidays can be hard for many of us. . Overwhelmed, anxious, lonely, confronted, depressed, even the most loving person in your family. You are not alone in facing this problem as there are tools to help treat it.
The good part of the sometimes hard truth is that if you’re reading this now, it means you’ve already survived the beginning of the holiday slide that is Thanksgiving (Or, as my Micmac family cheekily calls it, gratefully).
Congratulations. Frankly, so do I. Did it!
Whatever your Thanksgiving experience, you are now on the other side.There is no shortage of Christmas carols blaring at every turn, but we are now reminded of their imminent presence (regardless of our religious beliefs) on December 25th.
Then there’s a quick New Year’s follow-up. Truth be told, the new year can finally trigger our feelings of failure for all the resolutions we’ve ever made but never kept.
This year, I am here as your virtual therapist:
Nullify all of these emotionally destructive traditions and rituals to which we have unconsciously consented in the past.
Cultivate resources and use therapeutic tools to deal with the present rather than repeating patterns that are eroded by social norms.
For example, juxtaposing a time when you’re very focused on your diet with a time when you’re very focused on dieting and losing weight can make you feel disoriented and confused, at best, at worst.
Before I go any further, I am honored to say that I have not made any judgments about these holiday experiences.
In fact, as a therapist and body activist, I have stated that I can experience these feelings (Yes, we are amazingly human too!) These feelings are not wrong, but we can also respect that they no longer serve us.
So, the feelings of imposter syndrome, self gaslighting Say hello to these 5 therapeutic tools To survive the holidays!
5 therapeutic tools to get you through the holiday season
tool 1. Take up space when needed
There are many unspoken rules within the family that we most likely spend vacations with. This ultimately corresponds to how we physically and emotionally hold and position ourselves in certain cases.
If you’re still in the decision-making process of what you’re going to do and where you’re going to spend your time, it’s a good idea to give it some serious thought about what’s to come.
Excited to visit? Do you feel obligated? Are there any new holiday traditions you can imagine as alternatives?
Check for yourself about any unspoken “rules” that may exist regarding the ability to occupy space. Is it encouraged in your family, or have you been taught to keep yourself small?
Perhaps before, you felt the need to dress more modestly, speak and eat less, instead of sharing your opinions or hiding parts of yourself.
Are you aware of how your body normally feels when you are around them? Does this thought trigger any sensations/feelings/thoughts/memories?
Being aware of how we feel in relation to occupying space while on vacation can be an important opportunity to learn more about our needs and how to meet them. .
We would like to invite you to TAKE UP SPACE this holiday season. Live the moment with capital LIFE. Make yourself feel big. large; feel the sense of spaciousness itself (whatever it means to you).
Maybe it sounds like you’re asking for an extra slice of pie, but that the space you need or need to occupy may be in a different location than your family. It may mean cultivating awareness.
whatever that means to you. respect it.
tool 2. Create an energetic “safety bubble”
In addition to the many unspoken holiday rules that are passed down through our families and societies, there are also many energies that converge in one space.
Sometimes the energy feels like tension or discomfort. Sometimes I get angry and upset. It can be positive and fun. It can feel like a judgment or a misunderstanding.
Whatever you have experienced in the past projected onto you by others was their energy, not yours. I would like to. “Their energy is theirs. My energy is mine.”
Use it freely and often.
Plus, use the space of your imagination to create your own energetic and safe bubble to protect yourself from eggnog-powered emotional vampires. It’s a good idea to do this before you have to attend various holiday events.
Take some time and carefully craft what the energy protection looks and feels like for you (mine, for example, is a warm blob of energy that is always in motion). Find one way to call this a physical entity that you can take with you on vacation.
I personally swear by my essential oil sprays and certain rocks and crystals.
The goal of this is to allow you to imagine when Aunt Linda inevitably tells you, “You don’t have to eat that,” that projection bounces back into a bubble and doesn’t internalize it as truth. That’s it.
tool 3. Learn and Practice Being Allowed to Have and Set Boundaries
The “safe bubble” point above is a great example of this! We have the right to say no even when holiday cheer is forced upon us. have the right to have
We all have a right to be interested in spending time in the most sustainable way possible throughout this season.
Again, our loved ones may need to be taught to respect our boundaries (either indirectly through modeling or directly through transmitted rules/beliefs/norms). ).
therapy tools 4. Find allies within the holiday community
Whether you spend time with your family of origin, your family of choice, or both, being in a larger group can often feel overwhelming.
You may not always feel completely safe for everyone involved in a particular party or dinner dynamic, and that’s okay.
Select one pre-appointed close ally present in the situation who can basically be your support system if needed (and this can go both ways).
This can be done by having a candid conversation with this person ahead of time and working together with safe words or gestures that mean “Plan B”, “Time to signal for a bathroom break”, or “I’m very excited”. may appear to create a . Help me now! ”
And another pre-agreed method of physically inviting us to get out of this trigger (i.e. hug or hold hands). There is no right or wrong answer here, just remember what nourishes the mind and body the most.
Having that ally means to my system that I’m not alone (Even if I start to feel anxiety).
tool 5. Stay connected with your body
As a somatic therapist, I am very passionate about raising awareness of the mind-body connection each month of the year, especially during times of heightened triggers like the holidays.
Allowing us to maintain connection with the sensations, feelings, thoughts, emotions, images and memories that arise is an important act of self-care.
If you find yourself overwhelmed or frozen in dissociation, use your body as a resource. Allow your body to ground you and become your safe haven in the stormy sea!
Whatever healing tools you use to help yourself through this holiday season, allowing yourself to do so creates new avenues for the traditions you nurture.
I know it won’t be easy, but I believe in human resilience and I truly believe in your ability to harness it!
What therapeutic tools do you use to help yourself while on vacation?